She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
