i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
