Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
