Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Your dad touched me again.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just google imaged poop.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
