You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
