is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
there is puke in my bra ... again
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
