whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
