so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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