it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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