I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
