from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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