I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
