He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
