So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
