She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
