Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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