She's JV to your varsity
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
