Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
