She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You've changed since you got that strap on
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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