omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
