official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize