you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
