in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
