We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
