I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
