i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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