you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
