p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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