You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
