May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
