he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Randomize