that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
