shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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