You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
