I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
