i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
