5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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