I love black thongs
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
meet me or not, i'm out of control
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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