this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Randomize
