so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
