yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
