3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
