She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
