Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
