Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
