You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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