so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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