9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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