stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
