I heard we made out
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I need to calm my uterus...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize