i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
