i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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