we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
