there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
