I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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