Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
