My nipple is on Facebook.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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