Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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