Moan for me like Helen Keller
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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