What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
