does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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