I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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