Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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