The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
