need another drink. this is the easiest way
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
