Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
