cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
