my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
