just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
