i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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