Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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