You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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